The Money Story the Ads Won’t Sell

I want to tell you something that the ads won't tell you.

The ones that show up in your feed promising you $300,000 a month as an online coach. The ones with the woman in the white linen pants on the beach who looks so at peace, so safe in her body, so done with the struggle.

The ones that say: pay me, and I will fix this broken thing inside you.

To preface, I've had coaches and guides who have genuinely changed my life. Investing in myself and my growth is something I believe in — PERIOD. That's not what this is about.

This is the story underneath the investment. The one that doesn't make it into the ads. Because the ads promise you something specific: that healing your money wounds is a purchase away. That the right program will make the fear stop, make the flow start, make it all finally click.

That's not exactly how it went down for me.

Under the tutelage of an incredible spiritual teacher, I started a business (this in itself is a miracle). Two days later, my husband lost his job, so the pressure was on. I created an offer and put my face all over social media. Every single day, I wanted to crawl out of my skin — because visibility felt like exposure, and exposure felt like danger. I still struggle with it.

But I knew: clients would feed my family.(One must be dramatic). So I showed up anyway.

Month one, I made 5x what I'd made the month before.

I thought: This is it. I figured it out!

Then business got spotty. So naturally I thought “I failed, I should die now”.

Then it picked up.

Then spotty again.

I swirled — god, did I swirl — between "I am worthless and horrible", and "I am magic and money is at my beck and call". Sometimes within the same week. Sometimes within the same hour.

I did ceremonies. I did manifestations. I partied. I danced. I cried until I was hollow. I screamed.

I flipped my lid and caused fights with my partner that still sting when I think about them.

I was trying so hard to heal my way into safety.

And here's the thing — I don't regret any of it. That's the work.

But when Insta told me others were making 6 figures every month, I thought it meant something was wrong with me.

I thought: my childhood wounds are too big. My trauma is too complex (in my defense, have you seen my movie’s teaser??).

I'm a woman of color navigating systems that were not built for me. (This is true. Period.)

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.

Maybe money was never meant to come easily to me.

But here's what I've slowly, painfully, actually learned:

Sometimes, shit takes time.

Sometimes, the road is rocky. Other times it’s awesome.

Yes, you have to shift your mindset.

Yes, you have to tolerate the discomfort.

But mostly... you have to keep believing. You have to keep working. And you have to be patient. Open and curious to it all.

That's it. That's the whole secret no one is advertising.

Pretty boring, isn’t it?

Here's where I am now.

Most days, I don't believe money has power over me. THIS IS A MIRACLE FOR ME.

It no longer terrifies me the way it once did. I believe that any given day carries the potential for it all to shift. I believe that money is a tool that can expand my experience of this one precious life.

Business is actually… good.

Like everyone else, I have uncertainty at the start of some months. Some days I stay in bed and cry. Some days, I wish someone would just come down and save me (if you're reading this and think you can, please call).

Some days I pray for inspiration and just wait.

But every day — every single day — I am grateful for the work I get to do, for the life I get to lead.

I have a vision for my life that is abundant and full. And I am moving toward it.

Imperfectly, inconsistently, slowly — but I am moving.

If you're in the thick of the swirl right now — if you just paid for a program that promised to fix you and you're wondering why it hasn't worked yet — I want you to hear this:

You are not broken.

You are not too traumatized. You are not too behind. You are not the exception to the rule that healing happens.

You are just in the middle of something that takes time.

And you're doing better than you think.